I Won't Give Up
by Kick Caskett
Summary: Set during 5x21 and 5x24. Castle's thoughts about his past, present and future with Beckett.


**A/N: Based on Jason Mraz song 'I Won't Give Up.' Set somewhere between 5x21 and 5x24**

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**I Won't Give Up  
**

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_When I look into your eyes  
It's like watching the night sky  
Or a beautiful sunrise  
Well, there's so much they hold_

The sun began to peak through the curtains that draped across the window. I began to stir feeling the days beginning. My head was nestled in the pillow, the duvet hanging low on my waist. As my eyes adjusted to the light in the room, I see you lying beside me. You look so angelic, your golden locks framing your beautiful face that wore a soft smile. It was though you were truly happy with your life right in this moment. I was about to slip out of the cover to make you your morning cup of coffee when I feel my arm being pulled back under the sheets.

"No, stay" she mumbled as I encompassed my arms around you waist. I place a kiss into your tussled hair as we both slowly flutter our eyelids and drift off into a peaceful slumber.

_And just like them old stars  
I see that you've come so far  
To be right where you are  
How old is your soul?_

It really starts to dawn on me right at this moment. How far you and I have truly come. Not just in our relationship but as people. It was just over 4 years ago when you couldn't stand to be in the same room as me. Now it pains both of us to spend the night apart. But it's not just that change I've noticed in you. You went from a happy teenager with the world at your feet, to being forced to grow up and deal with all the sorrow in the world.

_Well, I won't give up on us  
Even if the skies get rough  
I'm giving you all my love  
I'm still looking up  
_

I watch you intently as you maneuver around my kitchen making me pancakes. You catch me staring and tell me to stop and get back to writing. My fictional world was my way of expressing a world where I longed to be with you. But now that we are together, putting that emotion into my work just doesn't seem like enough. I much rather live in the real world where I no longer need to write steaming chapters in my books as a way of making my dreams come true. My dreams have come true.

_And when you're needing your space  
To do some navigating  
I'll be here__patiently waiting__  
To see what you find_

I hate every single second I am not in your company. The summer we spent apart was the worst 3 months of my life. I know you needed time to think, but there wasn't a day that you didn't cross my mind. I don't think you know this to this day but I would spend hours just staring at my phone waiting for your call. I drove to your apartment several times hoping to catch a glimpse of you, but you'd never show. Even up to the last day of the summer I held on to the hope that you would call. Even though I was so hurt by you, I would most surely forgive you because well, I love you and I know the type of person you are.

I remember that conversation we had in the hazmat tent during that dirty bomb case so very well. You said that you wanted to be with someone that would be here for you and you could be there for them. I knew from that moment that I was the one for you. Only a few hours later we found ourselves at another near death experience, frozen in each other's arms waiting for the cold to consume our bodies. You were milliseconds away from confessing your feelings to me as you thought it might be the end. But I'm glad you didn't say anything then. I don't think either one of us was ready then. We both needed time to figure out who we were. But we both patiently stood by each other as we searched for what we wanted.

_'Cause even the stars they burn  
Some even fall to the earth  
We've got a lot to learn  
God knows we're worth it  
No, I won't give up  
_

Last year comes in a close second to the best year of my life. We worked closely side by side all with the promise that one day your wall will come down and you could open your heart to me. I knew from that moment that I couldn't walk away and give up on you, even if that meant my daughter would despite me for the next couple of months.

My bucket list still resides by my bedside take with #1 still reading 'Be with Kate.' It took me 3 years to cross it off, but your worth it. I mean it Kate. You are truly extraordinary and I am so lucky that you are still willing to put up with my childish behavior and accept all the flaws that are a part of my past. I don't know how I would have turned out if you hadn't arrested me at my book launch part 4 years ago.

_I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily  
I'm here to stay __and make __the difference__ that __I can make  
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use  
The tools and gifts we got, yeah, we got a lot at stake  
And in the end, you're still my friend at least we did intend  
For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn  
We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in  
I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not, and who I am_

I know we have had our fair share of fights, but I know that every time well make it through. You and me together. I don't think there could be a fight so big that it breaks what we have spent just over 4 years building. I don't think I say this all too often but I trust you. I trust you with my life, and though I think you hate to admit it, I know that you would trust me to back you up, where ever we go.

I know that we are both not good at this whole relationship thing and I think that's why we work. We are like Ying and Yang but together we just mold perfectly. Your more than just my girlfriend Kate. You are my best friend. And that's a bond that's not easily broken.

_I won't give up on us  
Even if the skies get rough  
I'm giving you all my love  
I'm still looking up, still looking up._

I think by this point we have solved well over 100 murders. While I have forgotten a few of the specifics I remember most of them. But there is one that remains imbedded in my mind. It was the case with Nurse McDreamy. It was one of those cases that remained in my mind, not because of the murder itself, but the story. During that case I was talking with my mother about true love. And she said the best way to know if you truly in love then they would be willing to break you out of prison.

You said you'd break me out. That really meant a lot to me Kate. I knew then that I wasn't going to give up on you anytime soon.

I know you don't believe in magic, or anything mythical, but I do. Remember that case where the psychic predicted her own murder. Penny mentioned that the name Alexander. I still to this day don't know what that was all about but my middle name is Alexander and I believe in things we can't explain. You and me, Kate, what we have doesn't exist on paper. It's something that can't be explained.

_Well, I won't give up on us _

_God knows I'm tough enough  
We've got a lot to learn  
God knows we're worth it  
_

I know you and me have a lot of flaws, but it's made us into the people that stand here today. It is truly astounding how many life-threating situations we have survived together. Being frozen in each other's arms to being trapped inside your car as it sank to the bottom of the Hudson River. Somehow we defy logic and have made it through, together.

_I won't give up on us  
Even if the skies get rough  
I'm giving you all my love  
I'm still looking up_

I know I have never mentioned this before, but I did know you before we meet at that book launch party. You came to one of my book signings. You gushed when you reached the desk, shaking hands placing the worn out copy of _Flowers for your grave_ down. You said "Kate, you can make it out to Kate." The exact same words you spoke when you came to the _Heat Rises_ book signing after not speaking to me for three months after you got shot.

When we first met I knew you were familiar and it took me a couple of days to figure out where I knew you from. But that can remain your little secret until you are ready to share that part of your life with me.

I just want you to know how truly extraordinary you are. You are one of the strongest people I have ever meet and am truly thankful for having you in my life.

That's why I'm here today. At this little jewelry shop in lower Manhattan. When I saw it, I couldn't see it any other place then wrapped around your fingers.

One day I will ask you to be my wife. Not today. Probably not tomorrow. But one day and hopefully soon I will have the opportunity to make you as happy as you make me. And until that moment, I won't give up on us.

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**Thoughts?**


End file.
